Last week I made one of the hardest decisions I’ have ever made. I guess compared to other things it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but to me it was. After 5 years of playing the flute I decided to quit.
Quit……ugh, that word, I hate it. Quitting symbolizes giving up, which is something I don’t like to do.
Recently I had to write an essay for school about something that you were passion about that led you to discover a strength. We also had to revise other students essays. I read three that were about playing an instrument. The passion and dedication that these people showed towards music made me envy them. How I wish I felt the same way about learning and performing music. But I remembered that I did have that same passion, but for art. It had been the center of my world for so many years, but little by little I drifted away from it.
I had thought about quitting two years ago, but one of my friends convinced me to stay with it. A decision that I regret and don’t regret at the same time. Since then I joined in marching band and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made; I’ve met so many people that I would have otherwise overlooked and made so many great memories. However once I looked past all the things I loved, I could tell that they were not strong enough to keep me satisfied. I regret staying with band because the longer you stay with something, the harder it is to say goodbye to it. I’ve pushed aside my real dreams. Now that I have to decide what to do with my life it’s especially important to think about myself and my needs.
I thought so long about. I asked my parents and they would just say, do what you want to do. I would ask my friends and some would be indifferent while others were begging me to stay in band. Those who were begging me to stay in it would say things such as, “what am I supposed to do” and “your going to leave me by myself”. Well, how about me and what I want.
I really don’t want to quit band, I just want to get back to art. I know that I’m going to get sad whenever the band plays at pep assemblies and marches the hallways for football games. Going into the band hallway (my favorite place in the school) won’t be an option anymore, well I guess I’m being dramatic by saying that. I can go in there, but I remember being annoyed by people who would quit band and still go in there. I’m going to miss all those crazy bus rides, the competitions, the thrill of performing as well as that sense that of accomplishment after every performance. I’m even going to miss those long Monday nights spent practicing, and the hot sun beating down on us in the middle of August while everyone else is out enjoying their summer.But most importantly I’m going to miss all those people who become the second family I didn’t chose and the directors that yell at us whenever we do something wrong (knowing that they only o it because they really care about us and want us to be the greatest we possibly can). I Know that on graduation night, I’m going to look over at the band and think “that could be me”.
But it’s something that I have to move on from. I have to look forward to pursing my true passion. I feel that quitting band starts a whole new chapter in my life. People seem to hate change, but I thrive in it.